How to be confident

‘When you’re an actor, it’s 30 percent skill and 70 percent confidence’ – Kate Winslet

How many times have you heard that being confident is key?  In your job, the way you dress, the way you carry yourself.  I’ve heard it so often that it almost washes over me without effect, as in I just don’t hear it anymore.

But when you come across someone in real life who has confidence, then you get it.  There is something magnetising about them and you can’t take your eyes off them.  It could be seeing a celebrity in real life or someone you encounter during a normal work day.

I can still remember when I met Rachel Hunter at a store function here in Auckland, many years ago now.  She sat there cool and ethereal, but still friendly and welcoming.  She radiated this inner glow of beauty and peace and wasn’t like a normal person – she transcended everyone around her.  Yes, I know she’s a supermodel, but still.

I see it with people I meet in our store too; the confident ones really stand out.  Sometimes confidence can come across as arrogant, but more often you are just kind of spellbound, and respect the aura they have around themselves.

All of these people know the secret to confidence.  And what is that secret?

You have to bestow it on yourself and believe it every day.  Act it every day.  Honour yourself.  Confidence is like a cloak that you choose to put on; no-one else can put it on for you.

In New Zealand there is the ‘tall poppy’ syndrome where you are in danger of (figuratively) being chopped down if you get too big for your boots.  From this, many of us sneak around trying not to appear too fancy or talk ourselves up too much.  We will happily support our sports teams, but not ourselves.  We will put ourselves forward on behalf of our employer, but not personally.

Coming from this sort of national background, it can be hard to suddenly turn it around and be that confident person we wish we were.  I think most of us are worried that we will go too far and be outcast.  But we know we won’t, there is too much ‘tall poppy’ drag on us to do that.

It’s all about taking baby steps with your growing confidence.

Quieting the doubting voices in your head

Knowing that the sky won’t fall in if you are proud of an achievement

Knowing that nothing bad will happen if you think to yourself ‘you look good today’

Knowing that you don’t have to be perfect to feel confident (such a huge one!)

For me, I think I was waiting for that day when I was perfect – the perfect weight, eating perfectly, doing a perfect job at work, having a perfect home – to deserve to feel confident.  That day will never come though, life is always a work in progress.

By giving yourself permission to feel worthy of moving through the world in spite of your many imperfections; to feel worthy of ease, happiness, joy and abundance; then confidence will come.  It’s appalling how we treat ourselves sometimes, don’t you think?

So I’m asking you today; are you going to feel confident in yourself, exactly as you are?  To start the ball rolling, I’d like to say ‘I am’.

Fiona

 PS.  You can find my books here on Amazon.