Friday, October 7, 2016

Not so perfect





I love to write about living a chic and beautiful life and it’s true, that’s what motivates me; however, my life is far from perfect.  I’ve already written about this once before – ‘My normal and imperfect chic life’, where I gave up all my deep, dark secrets (hehe), however I think it needs revisiting.

Every day I see gorgeous images on my Instagram feed – one I saw recently showed the simplest white laundry with two bottles of designer cleaning product.  I wish my laundry looked like that!  Instead I have a 1990s-tastic (and not designer 1990s-tastic) very basic laundry, where the latch on the laundry tub cupboard doesn’t quite hook so the door is always open a little bit.  But guess what, I’ve never owned a house with a laundry before, so whenever I remember ‘I have a separate laundry!’, it doesn’t matter that it’s the size of a toilet room and has scuffed lino; I love it.

I do enjoy being inspired by others photos, but I don’t let them burst my bubble.  I remember how grateful I am to have my own home.

Whenever I put photos on Instagram, or Facebook or my blog, of course I don’t show you the clumps of cat fur on the carpet or my teetering stack of library books.  Of course I don’t show you the dishes in the sink before I wash them or my messy pantry before I straighten it up.  Although I am showing you Jessica-cat breaking into the dvd cabinet in the photo above, cat toys scattered for miles while I'm watching series two of Cedar Cove with lunch.

In fact, following very organised people on Instagram who love to show their colour-coded closets and basket system pantry gives me a kick in the pants to do something with my own closet or pantry.  It doesn’t involve spending money, because even though it won’t be as perfect as that Instagram photo, it still looks a million times better than it did.

I definitely think there is a relaxed place to reside in between Slothville and Perfectown.  It’s about making the most of your own home and being inspired by others without going nuts with envy.

I watched (again) a few weeks ago The Joneses, a movie starring David Duchovny and Demi Moore.  It is such an eye-opening story of how far marketers will go to sell their products.  When it ended, I was reminded how glad I am to live a low-cost, low-stress lifestyle where I can sleep at night because I am financially sound.

I understand that people can get into money troubles through no fault of their own, however many problems stem from over-consumption of consumer goods, and living a glittering, brand-new lifestyle, as shown in The Joneses.  If you like to shop for fun and want to stop but don’t know how, I think a viewing of The Joneses could do the trick for you.

The thing with viewing others social media, is that you can’t see into their bank accounts.  Of course there are people you already know are extremely wealthy, such as Aerin Lauder, when I drool over the photos of her beautiful homes online (she has a personal net worth of $1.64 billion - cough - according to Forbes), but when we see normal, ordinary non-famous people and their gorgeous photos, how much are they spending?  Are they spending everything they have and more to project that perfect image?

Living within your means gets such a bad rap, and I want to make it sexy again.  I’m all about thinking abundantly and being prosperous, and I do think the Universe gives you what you ask for and expect; however, I don’t believe spending beyond your means is a good way to go about things.  Although I do love the Oscar Wilde quote ‘Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination’.

While we’re on the subject of personal finance, I’d like to thank Janelle of the wonderful blog Distant Francophile for giving me a mention about my new book Financially Chic.  I am thrilled with the response this book has received and it vindicates my belief that we have to make learning how to manage money well a fun and desirable thing to do.  Who wouldn’t want to be a financially savvy and chic woman?

What about you – is your life ‘perfect’?  Do you sometimes feel ‘less than’ when you view others curated lifestyle images?  And if you are game for some fun, please tell us an imperfect secret about your life that will give us a chuckle.  In the post I referenced above (‘My normal and imperfect chic life’), the comments section is so good that I sometimes visit it when I’m feeling flat and need lightening up.  It’s guaranteed to raise at least a little smile by the time you’ve finished with everyone’s comments.  Mostly I finish with that post and all the comments, with tears of laughter in my eyes.

Wishing you a lovely day!

Fiona

PS.  My favourite money mentor Denise Duffield-Thomas has the best and most fun take on money.  Her book Get Rich, Lucky Bitch educates on how to release your money blocks as well as being extremely silly and laugh-out-loud funny.

And she has some fantastic free resources too (my favourites are below).  I’ve followed Denise for a year or two now and she has a great way of teaching important concepts around worthiness and deservedness when it comes to money and success.


Denise's freebies: 
Lessons from becoming a self-made millionaire
How to track your income to create more abundance
Free manifesting course

PPS.  My Financially Chic tips 10-day video series is now up on YouTube in its entirety.  You can view them here.

51 comments:

  1. I try not to get jealous or envious of appearances of the perfect lives of others. I think for me it comes from being annoyed by my husband's discontent after watching episode after episode of What's For Sale LOL. I definitely have a couple (ahem) imperfect areas in my home and life....we still carry more debt than I'm comfortable with (long story but about half was necessary and half not so much), my sewing room can't be used for sewing without major tidy ups first, my job is ho hum, and my linen closet is pretty darn scary. With three dogs there is always hair about the place, and the kitchen seems to breed dirty dishes at night while I sleep (teen and man child).

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    1. Hi Cindy, I wasn't familiar with What's for Sale so I had a look. I know the type of programmes and I agree, they could breed discontent. I'm more amazed and how inexpensive homes are in other countries such as the US, UK and Spain etc. Property is tres expensive in New Zealand for what you get.

      Thanks for sharing all your secrets :) We had a cleaning service at home for a few months while we were busy at our shop, and one of them kept pointing out the abundance of cat fur to me... thanks for that!

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    2. I always find interiors magazines and programmed etc inspiring. I often go on the NZ House and Garden tours each year - and I love it - but I had to stop going with a very good friend because she was so jealous of everything she saw in these glamorous houses she spoilt it for me. Now I go with my husband - who funnily enough loves going for some reason but has no envy at all :)

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    3. Your husband sounds fabulous, Aisling :)

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  2. The lesson of living within your means or even below your means is such an important one. I'm glad you are bringing the conversation around this up and making it cool. It's long overdue. I feel like our grandparents did this and it has gotten so out of control.

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    1. It might be an uphill battle to make it cool, lol, Stephanie. Did you see on last week's post an Anonymous commenter calling my clothing 'tired'? If that's what people are up against, is it any wonder they have all new things.

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  3. I attended a discussion group this week. The theme was gratitude. It seems to me that comparison is the greatest impediment to gratitude. If we feel satisfied and content with our lives, we would not need a retail therapy fix to lift the blues. Contentment and financial prudence go hand in hand.

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    1. I agree so much, Madame, contentment and gratitude are great attributes to cultivate, and they will help you become financially well off.

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  4. My tiny bungalow is fairly neat, but, of course, could be better. I have one guest room that I recently redecorated using only paint, some new pillows and furniture borrowed from other rooms. It is serene, and when I find my husband's clothes parked on the bed, I consider hanging him and not the clothes. Most people would say my house is fairly well put together, but what they do not see is the attic. That is where I hide 45 years of marriage, the detritus of three children and a fear of getting rid of things. While I know it needs to be cleaned out, I am considering leaving it to my sons in the will since a good portion of the junk is theirs.
    My grandchildren think it is a treasure trove. Grandson went exploring and found an unopened dinosaur toy circa 1987 which was an intended Christmas gift for my youngest who is now 34. I suppose I could wrap it and save it for this Christmas. So there is my dark, dirty secret of imperfection.

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    1. That is an excellent story of the unopened dinosaur toy, Kristien!!! It is probably a collector's item by now - 'new in box'. You totally should give it to him this Christmas :)

      'when I find my husband's clothes parked on the bed, I consider hanging him and not the clothes' Tee hee!

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  5. I prefer a tidy and organized look to our small bungalow because the mess just stresses me no end...I have a junk drawer in the kitchen and when it gets to full I tidy it too!
    I would prefer not to take pictures of any disorder or mess and post them on my blog or instagram!
    Our grandchildren visit and they dump the toy basket out and the house has toys from one end to the other and it looks like a bomb went off after they leave I clean up and smile as I do because we are making memories at Grammy's House.

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    1. I'm sure your grandchildren LOVE the clean palette that is your serene home, Leslie!

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  6. Dear Fiona, There is so much that is not chic in my life I don't even know where to begin. Like you, I wouldn't change it. I've been told I'm "quirky" because of the facial expressions I make when conversing. It's just my personality, I'm goofy that way. Definitely not chic!

    I've watched The Joneses and realized that even though the events that occur in it may be extreme, it definitely happens to a lesser extent in reality. I see it all around me in some of my neighbors. We have not updated much in our home and while I used to feel frustrated about our powder pink and baby blue bathroom from the 1950's (with a blue bathtub and sink - ugh!), now I embrace it and just appreciate the fact that we have a working bathroom. When I visit friends or family with beautifully new and updated homes, I try to remember a blog I visit (along with yours) at vialiivia.blogspot.com. The blogger is a Finnish artist and I adore her aesthetic tastes. She surrounds herself with aged, classic objects and environments. Everything is a bit decrepit but oh the stories I bet they could tell! I think we can find similar objects in thrift and vintage stores, paying a lot less for items with so much more history, personality, and worth in my opinion.

    D.

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    1. Me too, with the facial expressions, D! I try to be more serene and elegant; I just get too excited about my topic.

      I've not seen that blog before, but I agree, her photos are gorgeous - so peaceful.

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  7. I do not like change for change's sake and the media all promote a new seasonal look at every opportunity, whether in clothes or in decorating materials or furnishings. Some years ago I had a cold telephone call from some company wanting to install a new kitchen. I explained to the young woman that we didn't want nor need a new kitchen, we had a decent working kitchen. So she asked me how old it was. At the time it was about 25 years old, it was installed when our home was built in 1985, and she fell about laughing and said something like, "Oh, it's older than I am, are you sure you don't wish to change it?" So I said, trying to keep my voice from laughing, as I only joking, but what she'd said had annoyed me a bit because our kitchen is perfectly OK, it's just not the very latest model. I said, "Well, I'm sorry to inform you that it is the oldest kitchen around these parts and it's had a preservation order slapped on it!" I then thanked her for her call and replaced the receiver.
    I try to keep things neat and clean, but there are always areas that could be better, and as things age in a home, they're all the more difficult to keep looking nice and clean. My study, where I do my writing, now needs a thorough sort out, but it is a work room, it's bound to get untidy. A couple of hours will soon sort it out.
    And like D above, we don't have a pristine white bathroom suite - in both our bathrooms the suites are champagne colour, again they were installed in 1985 when white wasn't fashionable. I'm just waiting for coloured suites to be returned to the cutting edge of fashion. I think I'll have a long wait but it will come, mark my words!
    Margaret P

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    1. What a fantastic response, Margaret :)

      I love looking after what I have, whether it is fashionable or not. I also find it hard to throw something out or update it if it is still in good working order.

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  8. I have lived every single one of your book suggestions! Thank you.

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  9. I think you have the right attitude, Fiona! I also believe in living well within your means. This is so important to discuss. Merci!

    I procrastinate so much due to my perfectionism. I put a lot of pressure on myself. Sure, those online images certainly affect me, but nothing like my own thoughts do. I need to be in just the right mood and fully prepared in order to start something. I don't entertain as often as I would like because something is missing, like I don't have multiple foods to serve or a vase of fresh flowers on the table. I don't take more pictures of my home for Instagram and my blog since something might not be as squeaky clean as I would like. I would like to have more fun in real life and become closer with an online community. Why not just jump in?

    My little secret is that I have had a carpet stain in my dining room that I have yet to take five minutes to remove with some Oxiclean and water. This was from a bit of a chocolate shell on an ice cream. ...sometime during the summer... Yeah, it is now fall here. I may have to clean it tonight!

    Anyway, I will try to work on my perfectionism. Hopefully you will see more photos on the blog of my beautiful home and lovely dinner parties. It would be so great to chime in on these important topics.

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    1. You make such a great point, Michelle, and I can definitely relate. Our own perfectionism is to blame as much as other people.

      What I've found really helpful with crippling perfectionism is to take action without thinking too much (over-analysing) and not worrying about the odd error or imperfect thing.

      Thanks for outing your stain :)

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  10. Oh, I hear you, Fiona! We just moved into our 1910 dream house in a small town after leaving a high-pressured life in the city. I made the mistake of rereading an Alexandra Stoddard book (who I do love) but it made me feel desperate to update and change everything - I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that not everything needs to happen NOW and how lucky we are to be leading a life that is authentic to us (unconventional, but authentic). I raked leaves today in fresh, pure crisp air (free!) and was so grateful not to be working at my former government job, miserable in a cubicle with no sunlight.

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    1. Gosh, Amy, I never considered that about Alexandra Stoddard's books. I love to browse them but I don't want to feel dissatisfied with my home!

      Your leaf-raking sounds like freedom to me :)

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    2. I also have a couple of Alexandra Stoaddard books and lovely though they are - perhaps they could be listed as 'hygge' books! - they sometimes fill me with discontent, quite the opposite of what is intended!
      Margaret P

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    3. How interesting, Margaret. I am going to have to read one of her books soon to see if that is the case for me too.

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  11. I love your blog & one of the reasons is that you are upfront about not being perfect. I work, plus have 3 blogs & some days I look at chores & the garden think that unfortunately they will have to wait whilst I work or blog. But it can be like an incessant nagging voice in my head telling me to do the house or garden work instead of doing all the extras that I do. And I so love going to lovely homes, I totally appreciate them....however I live alone & no longer need a house, just a wee cottage or flat. And trying to be artistic & refined in a small space has meant......get rid of most things. A quandary to be sure! But it has allowed space for imperfection, which, actually, is nice.

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    1. Sounds like you are building your life to suit you, good for you. It certainly is a balance between putting time into your creativity and not living in an overgrown pit :) I too struggle with that at times!

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  12. ps Fiona...I reread your previous post about your clothes & I think that your clothes are lovely, not tired. New Zealand does definitely have a different clothes ethic than many other countries: we are a small country; we all have the opportunity to get outside & do things, like swimming, snow sports, running, other sports. It's a whole different way of life which is so reflected in our clothing. And finding a balance between chic & being too casual...it's an art, which you do well at,

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    1. I agree that New Zealand has a different clothes ethic than, say, the US. From what I've seen, people wear their clothes less often before discarding in other countries, whereas in New Zealand it's considered a badge of honour among some, to wear an item for decades. I like to think I am in between the two extremes :)

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    2. I agree....love those ole faves in clothing

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    3. Fiona and Swami - I was checking the contents of my wardrobe and in it are two jersey cardigan/coats which must be in the very least 20 if not 25 years old. They were by Country Casual, part of two dress-and-coat ensembles, but I love them so much they remain there and get dragged out occasionally. The problem is they are to ankle level - either I've shrunk or they've dropped (being jersey fabric) - and things are worn much shorter not, but hey, they are lovely and I shall dig them out again this autumn/winter, one is navy (of course!0 with embroidery on the sleeve in silver grey, and the other is teal, which is lovely over navy top and jeans. If something suits us and is still in good condition, why ditch it? They are also things which can be dressed up or down.
      Margaret P

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    4. Hi Fiona! I live in the US and I think your outfits look really pulled together on instagram! I'm very inspired to get healthier at 46! Thanks!

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    5. Margaret, because our country is from English descendants and part of the British Commonwealth, I find we have tons in common. Your thoughts on keeping clothing is one of them.

      Thanks Carla!

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    6. Hi Fiona I totally agree about the clothes ethic in NZ too. I have a pair of woollen trousers I wear to work twice a week that are about 15 yrs old - they still look fine. Most of the clothes in my wardrobe are pretty old and even though I love the 10 item wardrobe and project 33 etc I have always thought buying new clothes every season was a bit extreme. I am not perfect by any means either and have far more stuff in my wardrobe than I need. I am reluctant to throw stuff out I like though as if I get bored with it I know I'll come back to it in a year or two and start wearing it again. I go through my stuff once or twice a year and if there is anything I really don't like or know I won't wear again I do throw it out. When I saw that comment I was actually quite amazed - your clothes looked in great condition to me and I thought it was an indictment on modern consumer culture and also those "unwrapping" and "shopping haul" videos you see which leave me open mouthed!

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    7. My clothing philosophy is very much like yours, Aisling.

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  13. To live within your means is a skill that should never be dismissed lightly. Of course there will always be something shiny and new that catches our eye and we will want it - that is human nature and there are many clever people working in the advertising industry whose aim is to make us believe our life will not be truly complete without that shampoo / diamond bracelet / sports car. When I worked in the city and was surrounded by shops I purposely left my credit card at home so that if I was having a crappy day and felt like I 'deserved' some retail therapy I was limited by what was in my wallet - I couldn't get to my credit card until I got home. And you know what - by the time I got home I would have either forgotten about the item, realised I had something similar already or decided I didn't really want it anyway. I know, I know, it sounds dull and I'm far from perfect and have had many impulse buy disasters over the years (no one is perfect) but knowing your 'weaknesses' is important. By the same token, it's important not to be overly strict - allow yourself treats from time to time, whether it's a nice magazine or a facial or whatever.

    ps I love the sound of the 1950s baby blue bathroom - those older baths are lovely and deep, not like modern ones where you struggle to get your knees wet :)

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    1. Actually, there is a trend here in the U.S. to save the old pink bathrooms. The website is called Savethepinkbathrooms :) Maybe when I'm feeling the urge to update our house I'll try to convince myself our home is a time-capsule and not touch it - ha!

      D.

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    2. Great idea about your credit card, Lara!

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  14. What a fantastic post Fiona! First of all, I just finished your latest book and it was terrific. It helped me on several levels. Secondly, I too, follow Aerin and a few others who live like she does. I had no idea her personal wealth was so great though. I sometimes thing the outrageously wealthy are restless. Have you noticed they don't stay in one place for long, even home? I would hate to have that feeling and I think it comes from having too many choices in life.

    Sometimes I get a little boo-hoo when I see incredibly beautifully-decorated homes. It makes my place seem so humble and well, a tad shabby. But it is not. I have a "working kitchen" where I make lovely meals for myself and others. There may be a dish towel tossed on the counter and a few pieces of cookware drying on the rack but that's how my grandmother had her kitchen too. She survived without a sub-zero and so will I! Granite countertops are all the rage here in the USA but in 10 years, even those will look dated and the next generation will tearing it down and out. When I do feel less than, I look at the way the sunshine filters through the curtain I inherited from a dear friend, I see the pot that held the rich and delicious tomato sauce I made for my boyfriend, I touch the quirky china bell my mother gave me.

    I eventually un-followed the "Aerin-types" but not Aerin herself. She is a constant reminder that I am quite happy with my feet planted right here where they are.

    Thank you for your wonderful new book. I think it gives women hope for their futures. It helped me a lot.

    Donna

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    1. Hi Donna, Thank you, and I'm so glad you have enjoyed my newest book. You're right about the rich and famous travelling a lot - they're always in airports and in NYC one week, Paris the next, a beach resort after that. Funny I never thought about it like that but it's probably true. Lots of money and lots of choices leads to FOMO.

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  15. I think it's really good to look at instagram and pinterest for inspiration only, and not to use them to feel less than. It's sometimes hard, but gratitude goes a long way.
    My problem is that I often compare myself with people who achieve so much every day or do all these amazing things. I have a very quiet life, and enjoy it, but sometimes can feel I don't do enough or achieve enough.
    We need to keep encouraging each other, don't we? Media images are highly edited! xo Deborah

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    1. Deborah, I love my quiet life too. Sometimes I have nothing to report to people who ask me what I've been up to lately :) 'just enjoying life' 'reading a book' 'having early nights' - none of them quite cut it!

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  16. Hello Fiona,

    I am loving this series on being Financially Chic. It comes at a perfect time for me.

    Just last week I became "Debt Free." What a liberating thrill!

    Now that I am consciously watching for ways to save money, I have cut my grocery spending in half. And I am eating healthy, colourful and varied meals. This week I saved $100 on a brand new Langostina skillet. I even got a "job" tutoring once a week. I intend to have a fabulous life with a sensible outlook and even a healthy bank balance.

    This week I am taking a four day getaway to Mount Tremblant, which is a ski resort, like a taste of old Europe in the heart of Canada. But it is paid for. I am now saving up for the next trip.

    I am skipping my semi annual shopping spree for clothing. I have more than enough. I find I can "shop my closet" and online blogs bring me fresh ways to style what I already have.

    I agree that contentment and gratitude are great antidotes to consumer envy.

    Thank you again for bringing us back to beauty and sanity and serenity. Your blog is a treasure.

    Honey Bee

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    1. That's a huge achievement, Honey Bee, congratulations! I am sure you could write a wonderful personal finance book with all you have learned as well :)

      Thanks for your lovely comment full of inspiration and goodness.

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  17. When I was young I worked in a bank, and I can still remember the 'aha' moment I had when I discovered that the flash lawyers in their designer clothes and fancy cars were up to their eyeballs in debt. Definitely better to live within your means and be able to sleep at night...
    Sharon (Tauranga NZ)

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    1. So fascinating, Sharon! Everyone is free to choose, but I prefer to sleep well at night also. I love that my husband and I share one 13-year-old Toyota and have money in the bank. It's not for everyone I know, but we are happier knowing that we will be able to weather a financial storm easier than if we had two brand-new cars (and it's not just about cars, that is just one example).

      I remember going into my bank in the early 1990s to ask about something on my Visa statement (pre Internet banking of course) and they pulled up a screen, but it was someone else called Fiona, not me. There were screeds of shop names spilling down the screen. That Fiona was much more of a shopper than me! I hope she has changed her ways now :)

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  18. I enjoyed this post, Fiona, as I always do. One of my many areas of imperfection is my third bedroom. The one where I keep the door closed. It's my sewing room where I store my sewing machine, fabric, yarn for knitting, and everything else I can't find a place for. I can't even stand to look in there these days !The rest of my house is relatively clean and neat, but that room is a disgrace! oh well, perfection is overrated.

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    1. Hi Pammie, I don't think you're the only one with a sewing room like that! And it's ALWAYS the place that gets the overflow!

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  19. I love how confident you are with your own life. It can be so easy playing the "my horse is bigger than your horse" game with other people. I have sworn to never play that game again. It's no fun! I was told that comparison leads to overlooking and ungratefulness. Honestly, its not worth it. Thank you for this post! It was truly inspiring!

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    1. Hi Mrs Shockley, And I don't think it's a game we can ever win either. When I make an intentional decision not to compare myself with others, it feels SO much better :)

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  20. I really enjoyed this post and looking forward to reading your book now too. So nice to experience such peace, gratitude, positivity, Grace and contentment in this crazy world, especially online -where I constantly have to remind myself we only see what others want us to see; it's not the whole story. Your fabulous blog/book discovery comes at the perfect time for me as I embark on some life changes, on my own terms, not those of others :) Thank you!

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Merci for your comment. Wishing you a chic day!