How to be chic when those around you are not

It’s all very well to decide that you want to uplevel yourself and be a more refined person with chic habits and a stylish way of living, but what about the other people you share your life with?

Maybe you’d like to have elegant four-course dinners when your family would prefer to eat in the front of the television.  Maybe you try to keep a positive mindset but your husband is discontent, cantankerous and moody.  Maybe your family dresses in sweats when you go out but you want to try dressing up more.

I know my mum used to despair when she tried a new recipe and her ungrateful children would say ‘ooh yuck, what’s this’.  She is a champion soup maker and tried Gazpacho on us once which is meant to be served chilled.  You can imagine how that went down – ‘cold soup???'  Poor mum, she really tried to educate us...

So here are my four tips on being chic, when those around you are not.

Harness the chic energy.  When you come across a new and exciting concept or are inspired to do things differently, it’s easy to get carried away with enthusiasm.  That’s fine, but keep the fun to yourself to begin with.  It’s so very tempting (and I know because I’ve done it) to trumpet your new thoughts to your family and try and get them to do it with you.  Whether it’s a chic and healthy eating plan, walking after dinner every night, deciding to dress up a bit more or decluttering the house, it is easy to be excitable when a thought is new and fresh.

A far better method is to keep all that lovely energy contained and let it power you to make the changes you can’t wait to implement.  Have you ever found that when you share a plan, it loses some of it’s fizz?  And then you might not even carry it through because your enthusiasm is gone.  I truly believe that talking about something lets out some of the magic.  It is exactly like a bottle of Perrier losing its sparkle once you’ve opened it.

Know that you can only change yourself.  Nagging at people will not make them want to change to be more like you.  It will only make them dig their heels in.  Think about it from the other perspective – do you thank people who make ‘helpful’ suggestions as to how to better yourself?  Or do you think ‘I’ll do exactly as I want thanks, feel free to keep your thoughts to yourself’.  I know I do.  Even if it’s a really good suggestion, I still would rather come up with the idea for myself.

That's supposed to be the secret too, by the way, of successful people - they get other people to do what they want, but the other person thinks it's their own idea.  When I've mastered this I'll let you know!

Lead by example.  Since the only person you can control is yourself, show others what you’re doing rather than telling them.  Don’t say what you’re going to do, just do it with pleasure.  They will notice, they will see you’re having fun and getting results and they may wish to join you, or they may not.  Either way it is their choice, but if you look like you're really enjoying yourself, they'll probably want to come along too.

If your plan involves other people, say it’s going to a French-subtitled movie, you could offer a trade-off.  Say to them ‘I’d love to see this, would you be happy to go with me, then you can choose a movie that is entirely your choice another night?’.  I do movie turn-about with my husband, so it's my choice one night and then... spy thriller another.

Another plan that involves others is eating dinner at the table.  I admit, most of the time my husband and I eat in front of the television.  However, if I’m feeling in a chic mood I might set the dining table nicely and light candles.  ‘Ooh, are we having guests?’ might be the question when he gets home.  ‘No’, I say, 'I just felt like being fancy tonight’. And he’s happy to go along with it.  Maybe you could have Fancy Friday or Set the Table Saturday in your home and introduce eating at the table thin-end-of-the-wedge style.

At home when I was growing up we ate dinner at the table, and maybe on the weekend we’d be able to watch a Disney movie eating dinner on the coffee table in front of the fireplace.  Happy memories!

As far as dressing up goes, if it feels good for you, just wear it.  Don't worry if you think you don't 'fit in' with those around you.  Every day in the shop I see many different people - most dress smart casual like I do, but some really dress up - ladies in a pretty frock and high heels, and men in smart suits with a sharp tie and nice watch.  It's really nice to experience and it definitely makes me feel like lifting my game, so you never know who you will inspire around you if you dress to please yourself.

Infuse yourself with positivity and chic inspiration.  I feel fortunate that my husband is very easy-going and has a happy disposition most of the time but what if your other half is a bit of a grump or very negative?  The main thing you will want to do is infuse yourself with goodness so that you are protected from the negativity somewhat.

Every day I listen to podcasts.  I read books that uplift me, both fiction and non-fiction, and I read blogs with a positive message.  I don’t read the newspaper or watch the news very often, and I notice how much better I feel for this.  I write happy thoughts in my journal and look for all the ways I am so very blessed.  There's tons!

By filling myself up with happiness and chic motivation, I am not relying on others around me to dictate how I feel.  And, I can even affect how they feel.  I know if I come home in a foul mood I infect my husband with it.  And a bad mood is my choice, I don’t have to give in.  So more and more I choose the path of ease and forgiveness – it feels better for me and those around me.  It’s better for your health too!

These are just a few of my tips on being chic when those around you are not; I think it all comes down to feeling the confidence to do what you do.  Are there any thoughts you like to add to this conversation?  I'd love to hear them.